|
Most Haunted Review Beaumaris Gaol
Ok then, here we go again.
I'll just get my 'Most Haunted review kit' cardboard box down. Hmmm, bottle
of whiskey, check. Bottle of Gin, check. Jar of Auntie Mables Industrial Eye liniment, check. Strawberry trifle, check. Surgical
support stockings.... ooh, wondered where they went.Small vegetable knife, check. All ready.
Right. Video in, and we're
off.
"Death, confinement and execution await us in Anglesey"
Christ, I hope Fielding never tries for
a job with the Welsh Tourist Board...
Here she is, Yvette "Does my bum look big in everything this" Fielding
in a Goaul goal geol gael jail. A very haunted one, apparently.
"It was built in 1829
and housed".., wait for it,.. "people who had committed crimes from stealing and house breaking, to murder." I
suppose as opposed to a prison that housed people who hadn't committed any crimes....
They had a whipping room...steady
now... but not it seems, Sky TV and a ping pong table.
Uncle Fester and Curly John do the "night before" lurk about
bit, where Fester gets to gather stones and find out which door squeaks the best and Gilbert hopes he may get bats caught
in his hair.
I cant believe Ive eaten all the trifle before the second adverts, I think thats called "doing a Wells".....
Anyway, three minutes of edited jumps/bumps/bangs/doors slamming/Gilbert's hair appearing to have a life of its own and then
Fielding tells us they were both too scared to stay any longer (That and the fact the pubs had opened)
I cant be bothered
to talk about the "eye witness" and the "local medium" as they are just too tedious without the assistance of more whiskey,
and I'm saving that for the appearance of Wells. To summarise, The eye witness thought someone was watching him, (oh, and
he used to work in the shop there as well. We don't want your bloody CV mate, just the ghost stories) and the Medium, well,
it just sounded like she said "blah blah blah black mist, blah blah blah". I think I'm becoming 'medium deaf'.
Back
to Fielding reading from Google. Lots of "its said", "some say" "others complain...," who are these bloody
people? Show yourselves!
Cue O'Keefe and his Star Trek Tricorder (Funny he spends so much time watching that. I think
its a Sony Watchman and he's watching re runs of blankety blank)
Fielding:
"another thing is, and we've become so
used to this on nearly every location, is stone throwing"
No sh*t, Sherlock!!
"we seem to be getting it all
the time"
really, I hadn't noticed....
O'Keefe:
"Why are these stones being thrown?"
Me! Me! pick
me! is it because Stuarts an arse?
"what we can do, is just ignore it"
Oh yes, I can see that happening.
If you ignore it, Stuart is just going to use bigger and bigger stones and one day you'll find yourself smacked in the gob
with a breeze block Keiran, mark my words.
"Your not scared of it, and and the rest of the team are expecting it"
Now
why would you go into a building and expect to get rocks thrown at you?? I have been in thousands of different places
in my life, and not once have I had rocks thrown at me, oh, apart from that time I was borrowing that item off the lady's
washing line...
Wells is here!! Get the whiskey...
Its no good, I'm getting that 'medium deafness' again. I know
he's talking because I can see his lips moving but its just "blah blah" again. Maybe my brain has grown a 'sh*t filter'
to protect me from inane crap.
Wells:
"I
want to open this door"
Ok David, you mean the one with the museum sign saying "condemned cell"? Ok mate, off you pop...
He's
feeling a grumpy male (!) He's "active, but not a walker", so a jogger then? Daly Thompson?
Much knocking, much
Fielding saying "thank you" and "do you mean us any harm" yawn....
"how do you feel if we turn all
the lights off and go to night vision"
You can almost hear Stuart rattling the stones in his pocket with childish delight....
O'Keefe is disappointed. Blankety Blank has finished and he's now having to endure an old episode of Knightrider on his Watchman....
Bells
are ringing, Wells is blathering on, and I mean really blathering on, O'Keefe is waiting for the adverts. I'm reaching
for my vegetable knife, but I don't think the time is right just yet...
This goes on and on and on. Then, stone throwing!!
They did exactly as O'Keefe advised, and made a huge song and dance about it. (Hardly West Side Story, but you get
my drift..)
The bell rings again, Karl tries to prove that the bell pulls don't actually work, and then spectacularly
proves that they do!
O'Keefe must now be watching pay to view porn on his watchman, gets carried away and asks Wells
to bend over, which he does, a little too quickly.
There now follows the bog standard crap we have grown to
expect from Antix. Stones, Orbs "Did you hear that!!" (er..no) etc etc. Nothing on camera, faces at the window (er...where?
The camera is pointing at it!)
Wells is doing some sort of Gregorian chanting. Oh dear God. This is where I need my
vegetable knife. I think the only way to get through this is to slowly peel the skin from my arms....
Seance/glass
pushing, ridiculous comments about tying people to chairs.
The most disturbing thing is that although the Warden is dead,
he has family, maybe even still living locally. I wonder how they feel about Beattie describing one of their ancestors as
a "homosexual who liked to secretly watch men bathing"? This is a claim without substance and quite frankly going too far
even for Antix.
More stones. Knocks. O'Keefe being "possessed" or should I say "feeling really angry"..yawn...
The
conclusion. O'Keefe says "The significant thing about this is that most of the people were on camera during the stone throwing"
Utter rubbish. Looks like Antix must have given him a pay rise. No more the "sceptic", he now seems to be part of the
problem.
I fail to see where this series can go next. The entire show could be filmed in the local pub with the lights
off. The same things would happen, the same things would be said and the total lack of proof of anything paranormal would
be the same. But at least they could have a beer while they were doing it. A beer? Now that sounds like a bloody good idea.
It may get the nasty taste of Antix out of my mouth.....
|
 |
|
